https://drive.google.com/file/d/1gr4j-Vqk23C7tkzceYhvvlHXwoKhNJIJ/view?usp=drivesdk
Gearing up to post some music from various projects I am involved with. Here is something I did live recently. Basically built a loop live. It was named A Monday in March.
I am struck by a long-held notion that if I could just find the right words or create the perfect melody, I could somehow change everything… everyone. That we could drop the need for pretense and simply create a safe space for one another. That would be paradise.
~csr
to be free
of needing approval,
when not accepted,
is a wonderful sort of freedom.
to be free
of needing approval ,
while accepted,
is closer to true freedom.
~csr
i will hide in this story
i will live in this tale
reside in the wind
but not in this sail
live in this moment
live in this dream
live for a moment
seem
live in the wind
not in the sail
the end
must not steal the now
~csr
leaves fall... they break down
from the decay comes new life...
we fall... we break down
~csr
empathy is how one subjective reality learns to connect with other subjective realities.
~csr
As I age, I've come to realize that mortality is increasingly present. Physical changes and health issues have become more pronounced, making me aware that life's milestones are largely behind me.
I've started to notice 'last times' – final experiences that mark the end of an era. Initially scarce, these moments now accelerate. On a deeper level, I'm grappling with the anticipation of loss – mourning life's passing while still immersed in it.
This paradox is profound: I'm longing for life's moments while simultaneously mourning their passage, when I should be embracing the present.
~csr
if you feel tension from
where does it come?
if there is resistance
then where is it from?
don’t seek to engage it
it’s not best that you run
but rather acknowledge,
continue,
move on
~csr
morning light waves
rose of sharon sways
blending with subtle circular motions
a branch of botanical aikido
in the distance…
a chainsaw, cutting, defining
~csr
some sleeping
some slumber
while others they travel
some roaming
some searching
while others they swim
some swirl
some eddy
while circling downward
some laughing
some joking
they cackle they jest
some steeping
some brewing
they darken with flavor
where are my words?
~csr
another duration…
gray and withering.
where once passion’s insolence sprang!
so late in season! ...
if only to crave.
another turning…
over again inside.
where now dense roots
mingled throughout sinew and bone
inflict me once more.
unaccompanied…
conjuring fragrant fanatical flowers!
irrational bouquets!
in rumination.
see..
how they sway in ardent breezes...
how they dance to rhythms of raindrops... ... ...
another duration.
~csr
may you work through things swiftly but more importantly, wholly and completely.
to me... It seems like it must all be sifted and weighed somehow before i can move past it...
we are however armed with an armor that has been cast in years and forged in fires of heartache.
we know this pain and therefore we know empathy.
a gift not all possess
i will meet you in the place paved in pessimisms under foot... And lit by the candles of optimisms overhead...
be well
be forgiving firstly of yourself
~csr
arduous not cozy
winding not straight
changing not stable
an altering state
tough and not soothing
twisting not clear
metamorphic life-changing
zigzagging through fear
enduring the darkness,
resisting the light
embracing my weakness
and finding my might
~csr
embracing
present moment,
clarity stillness.
facing obstinacy,
breathe,
pause,
listen.
seeking understanding,
a river flowing
around a rock.
empathy
compassion,
creating
harmonious exchange.
word’s gentle breeze,
soft
non-confrontational.
focus
issues,
not persons,
a gardener tending soil,
not leaf.
dance of dialogue,
flexibility
grace.
embracing paradox
differing views,
humility
openness,
learning,
a student
of the universe.
conversations
peaceful forest,
understanding
growth
flourishing.
~csr
stillness
calm surface,
reflecting
present
without
distortion
reaction,
revealing
beauty
'not being' in turmoil,
, 'not being' controlled,
, 'not being' defined
inner peace,
liberation,
harmony
arisen
embracing
simplicity
being.
~csr
i feel like a crushed seed,
buried dark, deep in the Earth.
dry, hard, crusted over.
yet
down beneath,
there's a tiny spark of life
in my core.
so i am pushing,
i’m trying.
i’m trying to force life
to burst the shell and reach up,
out of the earth, to reach the air,
the sun, the sky,
the stars.
there’s more space in this universe
than substance,
at least that we can see.
and so… if
you're near some of that substance,
touch it, hold it, embrace it.
Because it's just a flash of light Iin the darkness.
~csr
beauty lies beyond capture,
though we chase moments, freezing frames.
a brush can interpret, but not replace.
descriptions fall short, unable to evoke.
subjectivity filtered,
by experience and bias.
yet, with this interpretation, there is a beauty.
for in the brushstrokes, words, and frames,
an interpretation remains.
not ‘the truth’, yet a truth in its own,
fragile way.
~csr
when we compromise
our character
in order to advance
an aspect of our lives,
we inadvertently
misplace
who we are,
ultimately losing
that which we sought
to improve.
~csr
what if our brokenness
was not something to be feared
or hidden,
but rather
something to be acknowledged
and transformed?
what if,
instead of reinforcing the cracks
and fissures that divide us,
we chose to sit
together in silence
and appreciate
the beauty in our imperfections?
what if,
in embracing our own vulnerability,
we discovered a new way of living
in harmony with ourselves,
each other,
and the planet?
what if?
~csr
The thread of tradition, culture, and heritage that is passed down through generations is indeed fragile. It can be easily broken, lost, or forgotten, leaving behind only whispers of the past. And yet, despite its fragility, this thread is incredibly resilient. It can be woven from the simplest of elements: a story told around a campfire, a recipe passed down, a traditional song sung in a forgotten language.
These threads are carried within us, in our bones, in the stories we tell ourselves, and in the traditions we practice. They connect us to our ancestors, to our communities, and to our shared human experience.
May we cherish and honor this fragile thread, and may we continue to weave it with care, compassion, and respect for those who have come before us. Additionally, we must cherish the fragile threads of others as well. Wherever this thread is being severed, we must rise to protect it, recognizing the inherent value and dignity of every culture, tradition, and community.
By doing so, we can help create a world where diversity is celebrated, and the rich tapestry of human culture is preserved for future generations.
Trapped in a battle that's invisible to everyone else, a war rages beneath the surface, hidden from prying eyes. All others can see is the mask I wear, the projection of confidence and calm. They hear the tone and voice, but they can't hear the screams of self-doubt and fear that echo through my mind.
I've struggled to find my place in the world, feeling like I'm living in the shadows, unseen and unheard. The weight of this struggle is crushing at times, making it hard to breathe, hard to think. It's a gnawing sense of inadequacy that threatens to consume me whole.
Fighting back, I'm slowly, painfully emerging into sight, learning to see myself, hear my own voice, and feel my own emotions. It's a terrifying and liberating experience all at once.
Looking deeper, I realize that I've been held hostage by the opinions of others, seeking validation, recognition, and appreciation. But this desire has made me susceptible to the whims of others. When I'm praised, I'm elevated; when I'm criticized, I'm crushed.
This is a false narrative. My worth and value come from within. I'm learning to disconnect from external validation and find my own sense of purpose and self-worth.
As I share these thoughts and feelings, I'm aware that I may be seeking validation from others. I may be hoping for reassurance, empathy, or praise. But I'm trying to approach this sharing with authenticity and vulnerability, rather than with the expectation of receiving validation.
Perhaps that's the greatest challenge of all – to share our true selves without attachment to how others may respond. To emerge into sight, not for the validation of others, but for the sake of our own freedom and growth.
“In Plain Sight” will probably be the next expression in this series, however, this emergence into sight may not require a written testament at all. Perhaps the greatest indicator of growth is not in the writing, but in the forgetting – forgetting the struggle, forgetting the doubt, and forgetting the need for external validation. In this sense, In Plain Sight may not be a destination, but a state of being – one that is lived, not written.
As I sit here, just moments after receiving the news that I've been ruled out for the position, I'm met with a mix of emotions. This was my one and only in-person interview in a year filled with countless returned resumes.
I've spent a lifetime trying to do the right thing, to care for others, to be considerate, and to give people what they need. But in doing so, I've come to realize that I don't fit in – precisely because I care.
I'm a creative soul, with a passion for poetry and music. I see patterns and connections where others may not. I ask questions, not just to seek answers, but to uncover better questions. And yet, despite my talents and abilities, I find myself feeling broken, like a puzzle piece that doesn't quite fit.
I'm 57 years old, and I'm tired of trying to force myself into spaces where I don't belong. I'm tired of being treated like a commodity, a means to an end, rather than a human being with thoughts, feelings, and desires. I'm tired of being expected to conform to a world that values productivity and efficiency above all else.
As I look around, I see people who seem to be getting ahead, who seem to be succeeding in this crazy game we call life. But they're not like me – they're the ones who plow through, who push aside obstacles, who prioritize their own needs above all else. And I'm left wondering, where do I fit in?
I know I'm not alone in this feeling. There are countless others out there who, like me, are searching for a sense of purpose, of meaning, of connection. We're the ones who care, who feel deeply, who see the world in all its complexity. And we're the ones who are often overlooked, undervalued, and marginalized.
But I refuse to give up. I refuse to lose sight of my own worth, my own value, my own unique perspective. I'll keep creating, keep writing, keep singing. I'll keep being me, no matter how broken, no matter how flawed.
Because in the end, it's not about fitting in or conforming to someone else's standards. It's about embracing our own uniqueness, our own humanity. It's about finding the courage to be ourselves, even when the world around us seems to be pushing us in the opposite direction.
